My Heart....

Have you ever felt your heart be normal one moment...only to jump out of your chest the next? In that moment you can hear your own heartbeat. Like its right there, right next to you.
Well today i got the chance to hear my own heart inside a chamber with sound insulating material. I was told this would happen, but i wasn't sure what they meant. At the moment the insulating door closed it turned perfectly silent and i heard it. It was deafening. I heard my own heart pump blood through it like it was in a speaker next to my ear at max volume. It felt like my heart in my chest had just tried to punch a hole through my chest because i became a little disoriented because of the sound. Just about the most amazing sound ever. The sound of my life.
Im not sure if any of you out there have ever held your ear to another person's chest and listened to a heart. It is so beautiful. You can feel the muscle movement and feel the blood pump. Its just about the closest you can get to a person without holding their hand....its to feel their heart.

S.F. to school (one more week would have been nice)

So over the weekend took a little road trip up north to S.F. with me twinzler, Doris, and Jason. First off id like to just say how much i love that city. Everyone seems so happy there. I think because its so community based. Lot of walking, public transit, and biking. I like how you can exit your house and there are markets and food venues right next to or down the street from your house. No driving...what a god send.
Well while up there we did the usual touristy stuff, went down to Union square to look around at the shops, went down to Pier 39 to eat some chowder and enjoy the sun shine. There were a crap load of people there cause the weather was like 70 F, which from what we heard was a first in a little while. Stayed in a nice cheap little hotel called The Opal in between Soma district and J-town. Liked that cause there were bakeries and such nearby which served excellent breakfast burritos. At night though we went out and explored near Soma district and ended up enjoying our night at a club/bar called Mr.Smiths. That was just about the highlight of our trip. Nothing more fun then to go someplace pretty chill and just dance with your friends. None of that grinding stuff was going on there, just good old fashioned dancing with lot of yelling and laughing. It was good to be with friends who just forget about everyone else around them, be themselves, and make a great night even better! :)
Well looks like a new quarter is starting up....going to jump on this one quickly and get a head start. Want to have a blast with my graduating seniors this quarter, but i also want to try to score above 3.3 this quarter. Havent done that in a long time, but this quarter ive got a good feeling of success.

Out with a BaNG!!

So spring vacation is almost over....but tomorrow im going to S.F!!!!!! This city has a special little place in my heart because of how beautiful i think it is. Everything from the food, to the people, the atmosphere, and the gorgeous buildings that encompass the city make my experiences there just memorable. :) So tomorrow night going to take off from Irvine with my bro, his GF, and good old me to Fresno where we are going to meet up with two of my roommates and crash there for a night. From there the five of us are going to go farther up north to S.F. to spend that day and the night there!! So excited!!!

So second day at B/E Aerospace today, only for 4 hours but i think it was definitely more productive and good. Learning how all the documentation works, and its actually starting to make sense. This is all leading up to actually testing things, so im actually kind of excited for the next few weeks, not sure exactly whats in store, but it sounds like a learning experience which will help me in the future! xp

Spring Break :)

Well as you can see during spring break i don't really go on the computer ever. Maybe once a day for about 10 minutes. When im on vacation though, i dont go on the computer cause i want to just disconnect myself from the world and be with my family and friends. An example would be today. Had to take the car in for a tune up, but during my 3 hours wait i had some quality Craig time. I went for a run in the hills of H.B. Central Park for about 25 min, then sat and wet on a swing for a little bit to just look at the park. Since that took up a little more than an hour I then decided to walk a couple miles down to a Ralphs and just look at food. I Love food, so to just look at all the food, look at the labels, and imagine dishes i could make was kinda enjoyable.
Oh...yesterday i started my new internship at B/E Aerospace. As expected for the 9 hours i had to work i didn't really do much but paperwork. And it looks like for the next quarter that is really what i will be doing. haha. Gotta start at the bottom and work your way up. So im not really disappointed. This is just one challenge of many i have to get past!

The End of one....the start of Another

So this quarter for school is now over. Hard to imagine. Those ten weeks always just come and go so freaking quick. So yesterday...to relieve my stress and just relax i started off right after my final by going to the pub with my roomies to celebrate a well deserved break and a late edition of St.Patrick's Day. haha. After a much needed nap me, some of the roomies, and more friends went down to HB to chill over a bonfire, grill some hot dogs, and just chat it up. I so do miss bonfires, haven't been to one in probably over a year since was in denmark last summer. After the bonfire came back to the apartment and played Cranium with me, eric, doris, and jason till the wee hours. Me and Doris were team "Poo"...and of course we won over team "Pee", haha.
So when i say the end of one, start of another. I'm not quite sure what it means. Hard to explain. Last quarter was pretty tough. Lot of homework, test, projects, and stress. But i think overall outside of school i was having one of the most confused periods ever of figuring out what i was doing and who i am. I was always asking for advice, asking roomies if i was doing things right, maybe this...maybe that. Today though i went to this showing called "1040" at my roomie jason's church and i think it kinda helped me centralize myself more and calm the heck down. I'll admit that church is not one of my highlights. I used to go for a little while but thats another story. But today was inspiring and moving to say the least. I think i have been worrying about the wrong things. Been worrying about how i present myself, girls, and just sometimes why things happen the way they do. Kinda made me realize that...not that these things are insignificant, but i think there are other things more important. Those are things that can handle themselves in due time. Things like family, personal growth, and community should be put first. I think overall im a little bit of a confused person. But im searching, and im wondering a bit. In due time i think i will find my way home. Then ill worry about everything else. For now, i think im just going to figure out how to use my compass and figure out where my life is going.

End of 10 weeks

So i took my last final today. What a relief. I just wanted to get that thing over with. Third night in a row where i only got like 5 hours of sleep. Lately ive had trouble taking naps because i have so much on my mind that when i close my eyes i see stuff like formulas or my mind wanders to subjects that will become present in the near future. After i finished my final today at like 12:15pm i went to walk through the park over to lunch with my roomies and for some reason i almost burst into tears in the middle of our park. Not sure really why, too much stress or something. Just kinda broke down cause of the last 2 weeks or something. Well time for a nap. Ill write something better tomorrow. Night

...

I hope my eyes don't fall out or my head explodes tomorrow. Too much studying and project.....

What is March??!!!

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!!! Well i was wearing green earlier and avoided a pinch..but then i had to change and at this exact moment im not wearing green...what you goin to do about it? xp Actually a funny though came to my mind earlier today. Its kinda funny when you think about it how lots of the world parties and celebrates st.pattys day on the 17th after a nation which only has a population of 7 million. Its kinda impressive.

Secondly....what is march? Its MUSTACHE MARCH!!!! So for the last 11 days i have not shaved and have grown a little hair on my stache. I wanted to see by the end of finals how much hair i could grow. Its ehh, but more than i have ever had so far. The minute i finish my final on thursday i am cutting this thing, so if you want to see it you gotta catch me before 12:30pm. haha. Also my roomie jason started growing his stache on sunday or monday and is going to see if he can beat me in overall length in 5 days what took me 14 days. Lets hope not for embarrassment sake!

Talk is cheap, action is the solution

So this whole weekend i worked on this project of mine to build a ramp system for a marble ball to roll down. Over four days and quite a bit of money i had a pure copper tubing system done. It looked great. This morning i go to install it, and one of the tubes was blocking another part of the project. They suggest i move it. When i attempt to....the thing freakin shattered pieces everywhere. Too much stress i guess. Since our presentation was suppose to be today i panicked and tried to put it back together, but you can't unfortunately put something that took 4 days back together in 4 hours. I was pretty sad, mad, frustrated, and down about all the work vanishing in about .3 second. But after a nice little 1 hour nap since i only got 5 hours sleep last night, i got up and felt X 20 better. I then made up my mind, things happen. When things break, rebuild. This is not the end of the world by far. This is just another opportunity to perfect my design and make it look even better. (At the moment the support rods for horizontal forces are drying as i type :p )
We are who we choose to be...and i choose to perfect life..with every mistake and crack that comes my way.

The day after Pi day....

I used to do a song of the day..so here is one to listen to while you read todays entry! Play at bottom of article!

Well i wont lie. The day after Pi day should be called..i feel like a fatty day. Cause after two slices of oreo cream cheese pie...i feel like a fatty. lol. Heres some pictures of the delicious pie i enjoyed with my roomies (and doris).


Delicious!!

So i got a text from one of my friends at UCLA yesterday and they had something called the "Midnight Yell", basically everyone goes outside to yell on sunday before finals. I thought that this was pretty freakin cool. What way to start the worst week ever. When asked do we do it...i imagined myself doing this...outside my apartment...and then i imagined my nosy irvine neighbors calling the cops and like 10 squad cars coming to arrest or ticket me...cause if there is one thing irvine is excellent at...it is having police give out the most ridiculous tickets for the stupidest reasons.

Well my first final isn't till 4pm on wed....so much time to study...is that really good? Or just more time to drag out? lol

The Best Day Ever...Pi Day!!!

So i turn on my computer to study this morning..and as always it goes straight to google search. I go to geekologie.com to see what little weird tid bits the blogger has written about...when i stop what i do and realize what i have forgotten. Its 3/14. Then i go back to google to relook something i missed earlier. On the google symbol on the search engine are formulas like A=(pi)r^2 and C=2(pi)r with some sine graphs and such. I think to myself...has google lost its mind??! The answer...NO!! Its freakin Pi DAY!!!!!There are now just about the coolest corporation ever!!! Some of you may think today is just just an ordinary day...but you are gravely wrong. This is the day we celebrate the magical number of Pi..(which still has no end even with super computers calculating it as I type) 3.1415....and this is also the day you now have an excuse to go out to Marie Calenders and buy a pie. Hell, im going to go buy my Pi for my own little Pi celebration in about an hour. Ill even post a picture of my yummy Pi tomorrow for you all to be extremely jealous and feel less like fatties. So if your not doing anything...get off your little fat butts...go get a Pi...eat it all...then go back and sit down to study for finals. :)

Fortunes of truth

So i had to think about it the other day. I was old that my future is looking up. My life is changing and it is changing for the better. I took a second to ponder this and...well i think i actually agree with this. Finally nailed my internship, got into SPOP for the summer :), have all the friends a person could ask for, family is in good health...what more can a person ask for. I actually had to agree with this. There is no gift money could buy which could make my life better than this. As i said before in one of my previous entries...the future is coming, and its here to stay. Im glad its coming cause i think im ready. I think i'm ready to take on any challenge the future throws at me and overcome any challenge. As long as those i love still surround me i can over come any challenge and vision any dream.

P.S. Went to Baden Baden with Jason and Tiffany the other night...had a good laugh cause they check ID's when you go since usually we buy a little soju to relax. Well ive gone like 3 times in last 2 months...well the waiter there recognized me last night, haha. He even asked me if i sat at a certain table the last time i came. I must be a special customer, haha. Also what was funny was he always looked and addressed me...not tiff. lol Sorry tiff!

P.S. The quote from the first paragraph saying my world was changing for the better...i got it from a fortune cookie at panda express. Lol. Free advice is still advise..right? :)

Our sins...

I one day hope that god will forgive man for his resolve for war. It is the most destructive aspect of human nature, one without cause. There have been hundreds of wars, but none have changed anything but the landscape. I can only hope that one day i close my eyes, and vision a world that will never be..one at peace.

I once wanted to be in the military. For probably a good 6 years. All the way through junior high, high school, and even in my first year of college. Recruiter almost had me convinced in high school that the marine corp was the answer. With my grades...be an officer he said. I wanted to serve, to make a difference. A cause, something to answer to, something to believe in. I have nothing but the unmost respect for the men/women in uniform. But the world around me changed my direction of engineering major from weapons development...to materials conservation/clean energy. I just believe there has to be another way.

Heres a trailer for an upcoming series on HBO. It looks interesting, but when i watched it i felt nothing but sorrow for the generation that had to endure, and the generations which never where.

When it all comes down...

This quarter is almost over. I may not be graduating but it is still a big deal. All my roomies are graduating, all my friends. You guys have been great, no not great...amazing. I could not ask for better roommates while venturing these collegic waters. I wish you all the best in your future pursuits in jobs, love, friendships, and life. You all have turned out to be great people and i hope we find some way in the future to keep in touch. Life moves one, and so will i. Thanks for everything guys. Your the best thing that came out of Irvine.

How i missed you darling

I was out on my night run when i saw her. This is to you darling. I'm sorry i have forgotten you for so long.



Late summer nights,
baseball,
mosquitos,
your watchful shine.

Watching over me,
night and day,
never wavering,
never straying from your path.

Always over me,
always under me,
my angel,
my guardian.

I asked you long ago for luck,
for love,
for truth,
long time ago.

I was young,
you were old,
you were here before i was
and will be when i am gone.

I grew older,
left you behind,
looked the other way
abandoning you.

You were there tonight,
looking over me,
guiding me,
with me.

Don't leave me please,
stay with me,
from when i was young,
till the day i am no more.

~i forgot about you. thanks for never wavering. thanks for being there tonight.

Its okay

So i was doing my homework and wanted to share something. Not my homework. The eng. stuff would put you to sleep instantly. SO if any of you have trouble sleeping i think i actually have a book or two you should read to help you sleep like a baby. But i was thinking how i am comfortable with who i am as a person with my major. Ill admit it, im kinda nerd. Not a geek, a nerd. I love all that crazy stuff with engineering, its hard but its rewarding to see things come to life which once where only numbers or individual parts. So this brought to mind the other day when i was bored and surfing the net....i found the coolest shirts in the world! Well actually you have to know what they mean to actually get it, but watevs. I get it and it makes me laugh. lol



-Now some of these shirts i wouldnt get cause i dont like the way they look. I just thought that there sayings or images were funny/cool. Now my man einstein....well i would sure wear that one like every day if i ever got that. Viva!

That man on my shoulder

For some odd reason i keep wanting to write in this blog. Not sure why. For some reason it seems comforting right now to be able to write. Usually i do 3 entries a week. I think this is my third in less than 24 hours. Sometimes i like to look out the window when im writing these entries, makes me feel a little better. Something about seeing the day, the sunlight hitting the trees and plants that makes me feel better. Well right now its technically dark outside. But if i had cat eyes and could see in the dark...im pretty sure it would be just as beautiful. Yeahh....it would. I think what would really be great, and would replace this blog would be my conscious sitting on my shoulder. That would be the greatest relievement ever. It would be like talking to yourself, except with no exceptions, no biases, and just the cold hidden truth. No more ehh...or maybes...your conscious would tell you what you are trully feeling. Your subconscious thoughts and your secrets you deny yourself would come up and be told for you to bare. No more hiding from yourself. Just the truth. Wouldn't that be great? Hearing what we truthfully feel deep down inside us for the first times in our lives.

Greatest Movie Trailer Ever

So im doing homework at like 1:30am this morning...kinda pissed off cause i have to wake up at 7am and have class all day. Just makes for a bad start to a boring tuesday...but then. Eric saves me. He shows me the greatest trailer ever. I think i watched it like 3 times last night just cause it was too funny. Hopefully you will enjoy this trailer as much as i did and it will turn your day around as well!

oh the pretty colors...

looking through the window right now in computer lab. looks like another beautiful day outside and ill never get to experience this one...one of many. :(

Lifes like a box of chocolates....gotta eat what you got

Everyone faces times when things don't go there way. It hurts sometimes. Sometimes you just don't understand why. I feel that you can either take what you are given, make the best of it, improve on it, and live it. Or you can deny it, live in the past, denial and just move on. I used to be just the ladder and try to move on from failures and bad timings. It was the easier path, the one where i didn't have to when my mind was wandering think about what could have been and what had become. I guess it was just easier to bury everything inside. Keep it in the corner of my mind, lock it up and just let it burn itself out. This though seems to be a self damaging cycle, which doesn't go away. It just festers in the corner, waiting to come out at the moment when it can do the most damage. To address something head on can be self damaging in the moment, but at least it doesn't drag itself out and slowly tear you apart with all the questions, and worries it creates.
To let this stuff off ones chest feels better. Thats why i blog. Thats why i write. But to actually talk to someone about my feels, problems or life is a leap of faith. Its just out of the ordinary for me. I know i should say whats on my mind. It feels good, it clears the sky. Im trying to change you see. It takes time. But hopefully i feel that one step at a time. One person at a time, ill get the hang of it. Or rather, hopefully you'll hear me tell you about it.
So im going to live with what i get. Adapt to what im given and enjoy it. Nothing good comes from moping about the past. Live with what you are given and be open to the newer, possibly better opportunities that may come our ways. Thats life i guess in a CA nutshell.

The Run of Life

I know i right about this probably every other month. But guess what. You'll read it anyway. :) I went for a nice 2.5 mile run and it just clears my mind. Its so easy to forget about everything going on at home. All the worries, tests, classes, plans...I just let my body run away and my mind go blank. I stare at the trees, the flowers, the rolling green grass on the hills and just let my mind become amazed at the texture of colors and life surrounding me. Its like a master art piece...all around me. In a classroom i see man made art...kind ugly. no lie. But outside it is an ever changing art of nature with a cycle that includes life and death. It is only when i return home that my mind wakes up to the fresh scent of reality. The deadlines, the agendas..
Sometimes i wish my brain would just go out on a run...and never come back. Then id always be were i am free.

:)

Well looks like this summer is going to be good. I just went in for an interview for an internship at an engineering firm. I actually wasn't nervous at all the whole time, i was more nervous at my SPOP interview then i was at the internship interview, haha. It last 2 hours and i got to talk to 3 VP's of different departments so they could just get a feeling if they liked me. Guess it worked out good cause at the end of the two hours when he asked about my availability, i stated "i planned incase i got this job and set up my schedule accordingly...", he then leaned over and whispered, "between me and you i think you got the job." :) :)
Now all we have to do is play the waiting game for SPOP...if i get into SPOP then my summer is looking just about perfect. Good job, all my friends hopefully in spop, doris as our leader, and good times with old friends! :))

Your are

You are the epitome of what i dont want to be like